We only stress over what we care about. Stress isn't all bad, but it's not good to live in a constantly stressed state.
Here's how to sort out the difference.
SMART stress pointers
Shows you care
Stress is an indicator. At the most basic level, it's just a gauge on the dashboard of your life. A metric. A statistic. Whether it's good or bad, whether it affects you positively or negatively, depends on other factors.
You may already think of stress as positive or negative. It's really neither, though it can feel like both. You don't stress if you don't care — it's a filter that shows you the things you care about. Sounds more like a friend than an enemy.
When stress starts to show up, take it as an indicator that something you care about is going on. That's it. Keep it simple. Acknowledge: "I'm starting to stress about this, so it needs to be a priority right now."
Makes you productive
Stress, by design, activates us. I'll skip the psychology and physiology lesson — you know how it affects your mind and body.
Because you're focused on something you care about, whether that's running for your life, finishing an assignment, or helping a friend, it boosts you and makes you more productive.
But it's just a boost. It's meant to be temporary. If normal life requires you to always be in fight-or-flight mode, that's not Smart.
Assists in taking action
Stress activates your body to take action, but your body doesn't know the difference between a real physical threat and a perceived one. That's why we can be extremely stressed while sitting still with nothing and no one around.
If you believe you're threatened, your stress gauge goes berserk and your mind starts shouting "get ready to run or fight." That's not really what you want while going about daily life. It shouldn't feel like a constant threat.
If that's the case, the stress should be assisting you to take action in a different way — figuring out what changes you can make to wind down.
Reveals motivation
If you're tracking with the points so far, you can also see how stress reveals what's motivating you. It's a gift that clarifies.
Take the chance to reflect on what's motivating you, beyond the surface. At first you might think "I'm stressed because I have to finish this." OK, but that's just a task. One of a million things you'll do today, this week, this year. So why is it stressful?
What's the consequence of not doing it? Letting someone down? Failing at a goal? Are you afraid? Confused? Trying to find your place? Figuring out your identity?
It's getting a little deep, but that's the whole point. Before you blow it off, take a minute with some of these questions.
Thankfulness
Hopefully, with what you've read here, you can be thankful in the middle of being stressed. Thankfulness is a great cure for a lot of things — sort of an emotional miracle drug. Keep it close by; it's safe for daily use.
I hope you're thinking: "I can be thankful when stress shows up and clarifies what I care about and why. It's not good or bad. It's here to help me get this done, or show me something to work on."
DUMB stress effects
Distortion
Like a carnival funhouse or a broken mirror, stress distorts everything. You're not seeing the world with a normal perspective.
On the positive side, you can be so temporarily focused that you accomplish something amazing. On the negative side, you're not seeing the best in the people around you, and you're not showing the rest of us the best in you.
Unmotivated
Related to the distorted perspective above: when we're focused on the overwhelming negative, we get unmotivated. And it makes sense. Who wants to run faster toward being overwhelmed?
It doesn't feel safe to run into a fog, especially when you're expecting to fail anyway. Why be in a hurry to prove to yourself and show everyone that you can fail?
Expecting the worst isn't smart. More on that in Smart Expectations.
Magnified
When you're stressed, it's like looking at the world through a magnifying glass.
First, you can only see a small part of what's going on. Second, whatever you're looking at is larger than life. Whether it's something to appreciate and enjoy or something to criticize in yourself or others, it's magnified out of proportion with everything else.
Bitter
Stress about the wrong things for long enough and you'll get bitter, not better.
The better part of stress focuses on things you care about, not on thinking that no one cares about you. Don't stay stuck here. It might sound counterintuitive, but the quickest way out is to begin caring about someone else.
Have a look at Smart Friend for more ideas.