SMART Dads
Calling all Dads! Here’s your chance to get prepared – or start today – to be a SMART Dad!
SMART Summary
Being a Dad is a high calling!
High Demands,
High Impact,
High Cost,
High Expectations!
Whether you are starting with a great Dad example to follow or in need of some help, we’re here for you!
There’s a bazillion studies showing what we already know to be true – Dads are needed now more than ever.
Good for you for wanting to be a SMART Dad.
There’s almost nothing worse than a DUMB Dad! Oh no! One that wreaks havoc in marriage, family, society in general.
Or just as bad, one that has no place at all and just survives in silence, ignoring the world and being ignored. Don’t settle for that, let’s learn to be SMART.
Here’s some pointers to be a SMART Dad:
Safety
It’s your role to provide safety. Physical, emotional, mental, spiritual safety. You gotta be a safe place, and create a safe space around you. You are the buffer between yourself, your spouse, your family and the craziness of the world around you.
Read, learn, talk to other Dads, share what you’ve got even if it’s incomplete. Be proactive about knowing what is needed to keep those around you feeling safe.
If this wasn’t true for you, if you didn’t have a safe space to grow up, don’t worry. Jump over to other topics about Relationships, Family, Maturity, Meaning to get what you need to be the best version of you.
Manage Yourself Well
Start with your emotions. If you can learn to manage your internal world well, you will manage your time, money, influence, relationships, kids and all other aspects of life much easier.
I know, you don’t want to hear about “touchy, feely” stuff. That’s not what we’re talking about. The point is: emotions are wonderful slaves but terrible masters. If you are being ruled by emotions instead of managing them, you won’t have the foundation to build on to be a SMART Dad.
If you can learn now that the only person you can actually manage is yourself, you will be in good shape to be a Dad. What a kid needs most is a reliable, well adjusted, self-managed Dad!
Accountable
Be accountable. Meaning, “required or expected to justify actions or decisions.” (Google Oxford Dictionary) Which implies justifying actions or decisions – to someone. As in someone else. Don’t live alone. Find a team to tell your dream to and live accountable to push through obstacles to achieve it.
Accountability shouldn’t be a put down, gotcha moment, or rub your nose in the dirt experience. It should be with those who know your dream, have seen you at your best, and are encouraging you to stay at this level.
Responsibility
Who’s responsible? Decide right now: you are. Ever wonder why we say “take responsibility”? Because you have to take it. Until you pick it up it just lies there on the floor, avoided by everyone. Responsibility isn’t a dirty word, it’s a Dad word. You are made for this. Take responsibility.
Trust God
Whether it’s the proverbial “higher power”, the “man upstairs”, or a healthy version of a “heavenly Father”, acknowledging that you are not the end all, be all, in control of it all, will help you to be willing to take the responsibility of this amazing role and learn to do it the best you can.
Here’s a few ways we’ve probably been or experienced not being a SMART Dad, but that’s OK. Let’s grow and go.
Here’s the biggest mistakes a DUMB Dad can make:
Destroys
The role is to encourage and protect as mentioned above. But it’s often easy to destroy confidence, identity, character, morals, etc. in those around us when we use our role to destroy. Or simply aren’t intentional about doing what’s right.
Underestimate Your Impact
You are making an impact – for good or bad. You might be unaware or unwilling to acknowledge it, but that doesn’t make it any less true.
You have an impact. Even if you are not there – it’s not true that others are “better off without you.” Don’t believe that lie. If you’ve made a bad impact or been a destroyer in some way – don’t quit. Be an example of overcoming, changing, growing. You can regain your ability to make a positive impact.
Make It About You
You’re a Dad. Own it and embrace the role. Didn’t want it? Too bad. This is your life – it’s here, it’s now.
Forget about what ‘shoulda’, ‘coulda’, ‘woulda’ been. Deal with today. (It’s part of Taking Responsibility, see the section above.)
The dictionary definition says Dad means “a person’s father.” The most basic takeaway is “a person’s” meaning another person’s. Enough of the solo act. It’s not about you anymore.
The definition should also include “one who has been served a giant helping of ‘not about me’.” Maybe you’re scared, overwhelmed, unprepared – that’s all legit. Hang around a read some more about SMART Fail or SMART Change and see the recommended Smart Stuff for more pointers.
Being Silent
Reject the ridiculous characterization and cartoon character of the silent, disconnected, isolated, irrelevant, Dad in the corner armchair. If that’s your model growing up – sorry. But you can decide to be better. Being a Dad is being involved. It’s not a spectator sport. Choose to speak up.
