When we say "maturing," what we mean is growing up.
Growing up is easy — it's just not easy. If we assume "Growing" means getting older, that's the easy part. It's the "Up" part that's hard. Growing up instead of sideways, down, or not at all requires effort and intentionality. Both of which you're capable of.
Growing up means building your capacity to have a full life.
SMART maturity
Start with knowing you have a choice
For most of our early lives, everyone else is making choices for us. There are lots of paths to growing up — some painful, some hurtful, some happy, some empowering, some discouraging. But you've made it this far. The rest is up to you.
I don't mean that in a fatalistic, no-one-is-coming-to-help-you kind of way. I'm just making the simple point that the transition from here starts with a choice — and that's the easy part.
The start is: I'm responsible for me.
Make a decision
You have a choice. Now learn how to use it.
If you're not very strong in your decision-making ability, that's OK. Think of it like a muscle that can be developed, strengthened, trained.
Accept responsibility
This can be a hard one. In the context of growing up, isn't everything that's happened so far someone else's fault? Especially if there's been injustice, neglect, abuse, dysfunction?
Yes. Until now, it is someone else's fault.
Release the impact
Recognize, then release — that's a better way to put it.
Recognize the people, events, situations and experiences that have had an effect on you. Recognize it, understand the effects, and then also recognize that you don't know the other half of the story.
I really don't mean to gloss over big issues or make them seem trivial. It's hard, it's complicated, it's confusing, and it's not fair. But the best choice you have is to release it — for your own sake, not for the other person's.
You can focus on releasing the impact that someone else's actions have had on you, while separating that from the choices you make about the consequences for the other person.
Trust again
You have to continue to trust someone in order to live a smart life. A life devoid of trust isn't smart.
Yes, there's always potential for something to go wrong, but you can learn to deal with that. You can make your own choices when someone fails you.
One of the best things in life is when someone forgives and believes the best even when we fail. You can decide to be one of those people for someone else.
DUMB choices that keep you from maturing
Don't accept responsibility
Part of maturing is accepting that it's your life now. You can always get help, but maturity starts with accepting that what happens from here is up to you.
That's good news. A little scary, but it should be good news that you have the chance to become, do and be whatever you want.
Underestimate yourself
Underestimate means "to estimate something to be smaller or less important than it actually is." So in this context, underestimating yourself means roughly calculating your own value to be less than it actually is.
We've all done it. Taken someone else's word for it instead of finding out for ourselves. Or given up before we even started. Thought "I could never," "that's not for me," "people like me don't."
But who's to say? You are. You're the one with the final say on what you can or can't be and do.
Better to try and find your limits than to guess and wonder while underestimating yourself.
Make it a race
Ironically, maturity doesn't come with age. It comes with experience, accepting responsibility, and practice — like everything else that's worthwhile.
Go at your own pace, but don't actively avoid opportunities to grow.
Believe the worst
Being motivated to mature depends on looking toward the future. If you're in survival mode, or being pampered to death, there's no reason to think ahead — nothing to prepare for.
So believing the worst as a habit naturally demotivates us from pursuing personal growth.
If you're looking ahead a little and trying to grow for the next stage of life, good for you.