Being a dad is a high calling. High demands, high impact, high cost, high expectations.
Whether you're starting with a great dad example to follow or you're in need of some help, there are a bazillion studies showing what we already know to be true: dads are needed now more than ever.
SMART choices
Source of safety
It's your role to provide safety — physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. You are the buffer between yourself, your spouse, your family and the craziness of the world around you.
Read, learn, talk to other dads, share what you've got even if it's incomplete. Be proactive about knowing what's needed to keep those around you feeling safe.
If this wasn't true for you growing up, don't worry. Start where you are.
Manage yourself well
Start with your emotions. If you can learn to manage your internal world well, you'll manage your time, money, influence, kids and every other aspect of life much more easily.
I know you don't want to hear about touchy-feely stuff. That's not what this is. The point is that emotions are wonderful slaves but terrible masters. If you're being ruled by emotions instead of managing them, you won't have the foundation to build on.
If you can learn now that the only person you can actually manage is yourself, you'll be in good shape. What a kid needs most is a reliable, well-adjusted, self-managed dad.
Accountability brings stability
Be accountable. The dictionary says it means "required or expected to justify actions or decisions" — which implies justifying them to someone. As in someone else.
Don't live alone. Find a team to tell your dream to, and live accountable to them so you push through obstacles to achieve it.
Accountability shouldn't be a put-down, a gotcha moment, or a rub-your-nose-in-the-dirt experience. It should be with people who know your dream, have seen you at your best, and are encouraging you to stay at that level.
Responsibility
Who's responsible? Decide right now: you are.
Ever wonder why we say "take responsibility"? Because you have to take it. Until you pick it up, it just lies there on the floor, avoided by everyone.
Responsibility isn't a dirty word. It's a dad word. You are made for this.
Trust God
Move beyond the proverbial higher power, the man upstairs, to a healthy version of a heavenly Father — acknowledging that you're not the be-all, end-all, in control of it all will help you take on the responsibility of this amazing role, maintain strength, and learn to do it the best you can.
DUMB options
There's almost nothing worse than a dumb Dad. One who wreaks havoc in his marriage, his family, and society in general. Or, just as bad, one who has no place at all and just survives in silence, ignoring the world and being ignored. That's not you!
Destructive habits
The role is to encourage and protect. But it's easy to destroy confidence, identity, character and morals in those around us when we use the role to destroy — or when we simply aren't intentional about doing what's right.
Underestimate your impact
You are making an impact, for good or bad. You might be unaware of it or unwilling to acknowledge it, but that doesn't make it any less true.
Even if you're not there, it's not true that others are better off without you. Don't believe that lie.
And if you've made a bad impact, or been a destroyer in some way, don't quit. Be an example of overcoming, changing, growing. You can regain your ability to make a positive impact.
Make it about you
You're a dad. Own it and embrace the role. Didn't want it? Too bad. This is your life — it's here, it's now. Forget about what should have, could have, would have been. Deal with today.
The dictionary definition says dad means "a person's father." The most basic takeaway is "a person's" — meaning another person's. Enough of the solo act. It's not about you anymore.
Maybe you're scared, overwhelmed, unprepared. That's all legit. Have a look at Smart Fail and Smart Change for more.
Being silent
Reject the ridiculous cartoon of the silent, disconnected, isolated, irrelevant dad in the corner armchair.
If that was your model growing up, I'm sorry. But you can decide to be better. Being a dad is being involved. It's not a spectator sport.